Miyazawa Sae – How she felt she wanted to go back to AKB48 after learning how difficult it was after graduating

Miyazawa Sae (31) was one of the popular AKB48 veterans. From her boyish, energetic style, she was one of the first members to work internationally with SNH48 in Shanghai and then to SKE48 in Nagoya and then eventually graduating.

But after she graduated, she was announced to take a year off and many worried about her, because she abruptly left the entertainment industry.

In an interview with Yahoo! News, Miyazawa Sae described that after graduating, she suffered from the gap between her image of an entertainer and what was happening in reality, so she decided to take a year off.

According to Miyazawa, “My heart broke. I wanted to escape from everything. There was days when I worried and I wanted to return to AKB48. Why did I let go of the light that illuminated me?”.

While Miyazawa achieved success as a member of AKB48, she was a performer that never cut corners, may it be to singing or dancing. And she behaved well in the workplace, and worked hard.

While AKB48 was expanding overseas to Jakarta, Akimoto Yasushi wanted Sae to be part of the sister group in China. Miyazawa said, “At that time, I was 22 years old. Of course, an overseas assignment was unexpected. But I felt it was an opportunity but I worried that my exposure would decrease in Japan. But at that time, I was convinced that I wouldn’t have a position anymore, no matter how hard I tried, so it was the most decisive factor for going to Shanghai. It was a mixture of such feelings of escape and excitement of waiting for new things”.

But while Sae went to Shangai to begin her overseas life, the political situation of Japan and China was not going well and her permission to stay in China for a longer duration was not granted. And so, Miyazawa had no choice but to wait and see what happens and had no work in Japan.

Miyazawa said, “I was a little sick at that time. Everyday, my manager would contact me and say, ‘tomorrow is a holiday’ but I couldn’t attend my favorite handshake event. I was frustyrated. I have limited memory of how long I couldn’t go to Shanghai, but it was a few months”.

And when she couldn’t go to Shanghai, she had no place to return back to for AKB48. So, she was given the concurrent assignment of becoming the leader of SKE48’s Team S in Nagoya.

But while a member of SKE48, she received comments on social media of “you wearing too much makeup”, “you look like an older aunt” and so she would get angry and perform without makeup.

So, in 2016, Miyazawa grauduated from AKB48 and decided to pursue a new path as an actress. But after awhile, she learned by walking alone, she was witnessing reality and she became worried.

Miyazawa said, “In the first place, I didn’t have a clear vision of what I wanted to do in this kind of work. After graduating, I felt like trying without refusing what came. And realized certain things didn’t suit me but I made a lot of discoveries. It’s an experience that’s hard to get, but honestly, it was hard. Especially when I asked what kind of work was hard, it was surprisingly ‘musicals'”.

“I’ve been asked to play musicals quite a bit, but I still feel like I’m going to break my heart every time. Musicals are all people who have the ability to act and sing. I haven’t studied vocal music and I haven’t played a child role, so when I was surrounded by musical geniuses, I almost couldn’t do it anymore! The directors and cast members are very kind. But I was scared of that kindness. I could see only the parts that I couldn’t do, and I strangled myself. I was so nervous and nervous that I was about to collapse. The gap between my vaguely embraced ideal image after graduating from AKB and myself at that time was gradually increasing in my heart. I think the big stage will be decided soon, and if you think about it now, it’s a smooth sail. But I wasn’t the entertainer I admired and the job was too difficult, unlike what I wanted to do. I was frustrated everyday of myself who wasn’t satisfied with the current situation”.

Miyazawa admitted that while she felt she would be able to do it alone, she was afraid to work and wanted to go back to AKB. She was feeling sad and even thought about retiring. But her office suggested for her to take a leave of absence and so she did and after a year, she came back, although she felt it was too early.

Miyazawa on her return back after a year off, “I think I came back because I couldn’t find anything else I wanted to do. During the holidays, I objectively watched the plays such as dramas and movies, and thought,’I wonder if I would do this …’. When I was tired of myself, I asked the current office (Horipro) if I can work on a musical”.

But there was a change in Miyazawa. Her obsession with the “glittering entertainment world” had disappeared.

“Is it lost or lost? When I think about it, I’m tired of not being able to get close to my ideal self, and I’m worried … I’ve been repeating this since the AKB era, but my entertainment life When I thought about it again, I realized that it was a step-by-step step at my own pace. I wonder if it’s still too late. The influence of the theatrical people  is also great. I learned that the purpose of the artist is not just to aim for a “glittering entertainment world” but also the depth of the play. I’m still studying as an actor now, but singing and dancing is the most fun. There was a time when I escaped from singing because I thought I couldn’t compete, but I feel a little growth in the last year or so. At first, it’s a musical that I’m not good at, but I wonder if there are some parts that I am suitable for it…”.

But Miyazawa is starting to find herself as an actress but because she was able to discover herself during those difficult times, she’s learned to survive and continue to build and strengthen her abilities.

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